Breaking Up and Breaking Free

At some point, we’ve all loved someone so much that when they left, it felt as though our worlds were shattered and our hearts were ripped out.

Sadly, no one is immune to heartbreak; it happens even to the best of us.

Priscilla, now 27 years old, has had her fair share of such experiences and has decided to share her story with Mustard Way.

She believes that every Christian who has faced similar pain can learn something valuable from her journey.

Priscilla’s Heartbreak

In her final year of college, Priscilla met Ayomide (not his real name) at a school event.

His charm and engaging conversations drew her in, appealing to her as a sapiosexual.

They exchanged contacts and began connecting, speaking on the phone almost every day, laughing and discussing everything and anything.

Shortly after Priscilla’s twenty-third birthday, she entered a serious relationship with Ayo.

With marriage as her goal and a shift away from casual dating, Priscilla approached this relationship with intention.

She took a significant step by introducing Ayo to her family, starting with her mum and siblings, and later introducing him to her dad.

Ayo’s periodic visits to Priscilla’s home strengthened their bond, as her family genuinely appreciated him.

In Ayomide, Priscilla found everything she had prayed for in a life partner.

He embodied all the qualities she desired and seemed to be the right match for her prayers (or so she thought).

As their connection grew, she fell more in love with him each day.

Although the first few months felt perfect, things soon took an unexpected turn.

They began arguing over the smallest things, and nothing seemed to go right.

Despite Priscilla’s best efforts to fix the situation, it quickly worsened, and Ayo’s once spotless character began to show flaws.

He stopped being as kind as he was at first, and Priscilla began noticing more subtle signs of manipulation.

Ayomide’s behavior and words turned into emotional violence, causing deep pain.

Every time Priscilla tried to address his behavior and point out his mistakes, Ayo skillfully deflected and made her seem at fault.

Following a particularly intense argument, Priscilla’s eyes were opened to the reality of their relationship.

The constant emotional turmoil she faced revealed a disturbing pattern: her pain seemed to feed Ayo’s ego.

It became clear that he wasn’t the person Priscilla had envisioned marrying or the type she wanted for raising her future children.

Soon, everything fell apart.

During a tough moment, Ayomide walked out in the middle of an argument, leaving Priscilla in tears and alone.

He had convinced her to sleep with him, even though she didn’t want to, and then broke up with her.

She didn’t know what to do; she cried all night and could hardly get out of bed the next morning.

The next few weeks were incredibly tough for her.

The pain hurt Priscilla not just in her heart but all over, leaving her wondering if she would ever feel okay again.

If you’ve experienced something similar, you understand the depth of the pain and heartache Priscilla went through.

When pursuing meaningful relationships, no one desires for them to end.

We hope for a lasting bond filled with love, affection, security, companionship, commitment, intimacy, and support.

From the genesis of Adam and Eve, the Bible underscores the significance of relationships in human existence.

Our inherent design naturally seeks to love and be loved, forming close bonds with others to share our lives.

However, the Bible also recognizes that there’s a time and season for everything, helping us understand that the challenges of relationships are a part of human life.

In such seasons, Christ reassures us that we are not alone and that He understands exactly what we are going through.

So, how can we handle tough breakups and cope with the pain?

Here are four things that helped Priscilla get through hers and ultimately achieve her breaking free.

• Let Your Emotions Flow

Breakups can feel as painful as a divorce, even without the formal commitment.

We aren’t built to handle misery, which is why they hurt so much.

It’s normal to experience a range of emotions—shock, offense, shame, anger, guilt, fear, anxiety, or grief—during a breakup.

Whether the relationship was short or long, the pain runs deep.

If it doesn’t hurt, something might be off.

While you don’t need to be completely shattered by every breakup, you should feel that something isn’t right—that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Hearts aren’t made to be borrowed!

After things ended with Ayo, Priscilla faced a difficult emotional journey.

Although she understood that still desiring the relationship with Ayo was unhealthy, saying goodbye was still a challenge.

She kept her pain hidden, and over time, it began to manifest as deep sadness that affected her physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

It took courage for her to realize that isolating herself wasn’t helping.

She decided to open up to her mom and her closest friends, sharing everything and how broken she felt.

She cried a lot, but her friends and family comforted her during her sadness and gently guided her back to God’s embrace.

Allowing her emotions to flow made a significant difference for her in breaking free.

• Draw close to God in Prayer

Drawing close to God in prayer is one of the most healing things you can do after a breakup.

After Priscilla’s breakup, praying was tough.

Words wouldn’t come out, and sometimes all she could do was cry.

But Christ understood.

He knows what it’s like to feel hurt and abandoned.

His own people rejected Him while He was on earth, even though He did nothing wrong.

Priscilla admitted her struggle, pouring out her broken heart to God, who met her where she was and offered comfort through His words.

It’s understandable that prayer might not seem like the obvious choice during a breakup, but relying on distractions—such as social media, binge-watching TV, shopping, or socializing—won’t offer lasting peace.

Instead, why not turn to God in prayer?

Find comfort in knowing He understands what you’re going through.

You’re not alone in this—He will meet you right where you are.

Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid of them! The Lord your God will go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

• Trust That God is Bigger

Going through a tough time can make everything feel senseless.

When Priscilla’s heart was broken, moving on seemed impossible.

She questioned why she had to face such a terrible ordeal and wondered if she deserved to have her heart crushed this way.

Amidst all the thoughts racing in her head, one simple yet powerful truth stood out: God is bigger!

Not only was God bigger than her pain, but He also had a plan for her life, and she trusted that His plan was good.

Priscilla eventually realized that if God was closing this door, it had to be for her long-term good and for His glory.

Though her 23-year-old self may not have grasped it fully then, Priscilla was confident that understanding would come one day.

God was shaping her heart for something beautiful, and today she can fully embrace it.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

• Create a “Reality” Checklist

Dealing with a breakup often brings a mix of shame and emotional pain, making you feel as if you’re now damaged and flawed in the eyes of both God and others.

However, the hard-to-believe but beautiful truth is that sometimes a broken-up you is a better you.

In light of this comforting truth, Priscilla took a practical step and created a ‘reality’ checklist.

Over time, she gained a clear understanding of why things didn’t work with Ayo.

To keep those reasons fresh and clear, Priscilla made a detailed list of all their problems, including issues with their behavior, and struggles with communication.

This ‘reality list’ became her support whenever she felt lonely or missed him.

It helped her stay grounded in the truth and move on without second-guessing herself.

Plus, it now serves as a handy guide to watch for similar problems with others and address them properly.

You’re Gonna Be Okay

After a meaningful time with Priscilla, she leaves this message for young Christians who are hurting:

“Breakups can hurt deeply, and it’s important to acknowledge and validate your emotions instead of ignoring them.

While healing, resist the urge to rush into dating too soon.

A new relationship may seem tempting, but taking the time to heal is essential.

Jumping into a new relationship without proper recovery could lead to repeating past mistakes and getting hurt again.

Give your heart the time it needs by focusing on personal growth.

Engage in activities that bring you joy and make you feel good.

Additionally, learn from others’ experiences by reading and listening.

After the tough feelings settle, spend time alone and then with close friends and family to reflect on where life is taking you.

Consider who you’re becoming and what God might have in store for you through all of this.

Think about where you want to be kinder, wiser, or more faithful—more like Jesus—as you move forward.

You deserve the time and effort to become whole again.

The things I shared are just what worked well for me; they may not be the same for others, but I hope they bring hope to someone out there.

Holding onto Jesus was crucial for my healing, and I believe it can make a difference for you too.

Not every relationship we enter is meant to last forever, but the positive experiences they bring, even in tough times, stay with you.

Beloved, Jesus will help you find joy even in heartbreak, and you will eventually be at peace again.

You won’t just survive; you will thrive!”