What Offense Does to a Man

Offense! This is a word we all know too well.

At some point, we’ve either felt offended or watched someone else go through it.

Every day, more people find themselves dealing with offense.

It could be because of politics, religion, freedom, protests, personal choices… the list goes on.

There’s always someone around the corner, ready to annoy you, say something rude, or act in a way that upsets you.

Sometimes, they don’t even do it directly, but it still gets to you.

Sadly, offense can become a trap. In fact, it is one of the fastest ways to lose spiritual strength, feel stuck, or live without peace.

Offense Is a Choice – And a Heavy One

The word “offense” carries a deep meaning.

It is an emotional state or response resulting from displeasure, hurt, anger and outrage, usually caused by the words and actions of people.

This, therefore, tells us something important: offense is active.

It’s something we choose.

Sometimes, we pick it up ourselves; other times, we join someone else in their offense.

Either way, we carry it. And when we do, it weighs us down and can destroy us.

Offense is one of the biggest struggles for many believers, both as individuals and as a group.

It creeps in quietly, but once it settles, it damages everything in its path. It poisons the heart, and feeds our pride.

We start to notice every tiny flaw in others while ignoring the bigger issues in our own lives.

Offense leaves destruction wherever it goes.

When someone, whether a spouse, friend, sibling, colleague, or church member, allows offense to take root, it becomes hard to see clearly.

That person will often dig up past hurts just to prove they were right to feel wounded.

They begin to forget all the love and kindness they once received, choosing instead to focus only on the pain.

Any current difficulty becomes “evidence” that things were never good in the first place.

We see a powerful example of what offence can do in Mark 6:1–6.

Jesus visited His hometown, Nazareth, and began teaching in the synagogue.

At first, the people were amazed by His wisdom and miracles. But soon, they began to question Him.

“Isn’t this the carpenter? Mary’s son? The boy we grew up with?”

Because they were so familiar with Him, they couldn’t believe in Him. Instead, they took offense.

Jesus responded by saying, “A prophet is not without honour except in his own town, among his relatives, and in his own home.”

Because of their lack of faith, He couldn’t do many miracles there, only a few healings.

Scripture says He could not, not would not.

Showing that their offense blocked the power of God from flowing freely.

Think of how many people missed their healing, lost their encounter with God, or remained trapped in brokenness, all because they held on to offense.

The same thing can happen to us if we don’t guard our hearts.

When we let offense grow, we start to see every little thing as another reason to be bitter.

We exaggerate the wrongs and ignore the good.

Before long, our hearts fill with hate and we close the door to God’s blessings – just like the people in Nazareth.

Offense is a Spirit!

To truly understand how offense weakens those who follow Jesus, I began to reflect on how it affects a person.

Offense isn’t just an emotion; rather, it’s a deadly spirit!

It attaches itself like a virus, aiming to pull you down and keep you stuck.

Offense is the root of bitterness and resentment. It doesn’t bless the victim in any way.

I believe the Lord will show us how offense works against us in these key areas:

• The Mind

Offense first attacks your mind. Once it takes root in your thoughts, it controls how you process things.

You start to lose clarity and peace. Instead of thinking through things with wisdom, you keep replaying the hurt.

Your thoughts revolve around pain, and every situation feels personal, even when it’s not. As a result, this mental state makes it hard to hear God clearly.

• Your Vision

Offense also clouds how you see things. It twists your perspective, making everything look like an attack.

For example, a simple post, a harmless photo, or even a normal comment feels like a direct hit.

You begin to focus more on what’s being done to you than on what God is doing through you.

Consequently, offense shifts your focus from your purpose to your pain, from progress to paranoia.

• The Heart

This is one of the most dangerous areas. Once offense settles in your heart, your actions become harmful.

The heart is where your true intentions live, and when it’s filled with bitterness, everything you do becomes toxic.

You lash out, shut down, or isolate yourself. Therefore, what flows from an offended heart can hurt not just you, but those around you.

There are six things the Lord hates—no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil.

Feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord among brothers.

Proverbs 6:16–19

• Your Relationships

Offense destroys quality godly relationships. It creates walls between you and the people that matter.

You begin to pick sides, and paint others as enemies simply because they didn’t sit well with you.

Even loyal friends can turn into strangers when offense controls your heart. We can also lose destiny helpers this way, all because we endorsed offense.

• Your Body and Health

It’s not often talked about, but offense can also affect your physical health.

Holding on to hurt invites stress, anxiety, anger, and worry into your life.

Over time, these negative emotions can affect your sleep, appetite, energy, and even lead to illness.

Bitterness and unforgiveness weigh heavily, not just emotionally, but physically.

You see, offense has one goal: to destroy you. The strength of Satan is offense.

Ultimately, it’s a tactic he uses to steal your joy, isolate you from people, distract you from your purpose, and separate you from God’s peace.

And once you leave the door open, it doesn’t take long before it starts to affect every area of your life.

Pick Your Battles

Some lessons are easy to understand but take time to fully live out.

One such lesson that has helped me again and again is this: pick your battles.

Not every situation demands a reaction, and not every offense deserves a fight.

Many people believe that whenever someone upsets them, they must confront the person and prove they’re right.

But that mindset often leads to more harm than good.

This is because both being offensive and being offended come from the same root: ‘Self’.

As humans, we are largely self-centred. So the foundation of offense always comes from disappointed expectations.

Thankfully, God’s Word offers a way to handle conflict.

In Matthew 18:15–17, Jesus lays out a clear process for resolving conflict.

The first step is simple: go directly to the person who offended you. Don’t spread the issue around, gossip or vent to others.

Instead, have a private, honest conversation with humility and love.

This approach prevents confusion and protects relationships.

It focuses on restoration, not revenge.

If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the fault. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.

If that person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. If the church decides you are right, but the other person won’t accept it, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

Matthew 18:15–17

Unfortunately, some Christians misuse this passage as permission to confront every little thing that bothers them.

This often shows up in marriages.

Over time, small irritations can pile up and explode into major arguments.

Things that once seemed cute or trivial while dating – like leaving crumbs on the table or forgetting to replace the toilet paper, can turn into big deals after years of built-up frustration.

But does every annoyance need to become a battle?

Learning to pick your battles means recognizing when to speak up and when to let things go.

Not every offense is worth confronting. Some things just require grace and patience.

The Bible teaches that wisdom lies in overlooking offense.

To ‘overlook’ means to rise above it, to pass it by instead of letting it take root.

Think of a runner jumping over hurdles. He doesn’t stop to complain about each one; he keeps his eyes forward and continues running.

In the same way, we should learn to pass by the minor offenses that come with everyday life.

Of course, not every offense can or should be ignored. If something truly hurts you and keeps weighing on your heart, then it needs to be addressed.

But even then, follow Jesus’ instructions: talk to the person privately and humbly.

The goal should always be healing, not winning.

It doesn’t mean you ignore what matters. Rather, it means you grow in wisdom, grace, and love, just like Jesus taught.

Forgive Like Jesus

Let’s be honest: one of the hardest things we’re called to do as followers of Jesus is to forgive.

And not just once. We’re expected to forgive no matter how deeply we’ve been hurt, how often it happens, or whether the person even says “I’m sorry.”

Forgiveness becomes even harder when the pain comes from the people closest to us.

A parent, spouse, sibling, or child can hurt us in ways strangers never could.

That’s the reality of relationships: the people we love have the most power to wound us.

The opportunities for offence to come will always show up everyday, anytime and anywhere.

But, if we want to follow Jesus wholeheartedly, we must be ready and willing to forgive.

No matter what people do. No matter how we feel.

Don’t expect offense but prepare for it.

Christianity isn’t always easy, and forgiving is one of those tough areas that demands we surrender our pride, pain, and desire for revenge.

Jesus gave us the perfect example.

He forgave those who mocked, beat, and crucified Him, even while they were still hurting Him.

He didn’t wait for an apology. But extended mercy first.

Moreso, we must be intentional about protecting our hearts and minds.

When offense comes, and it will, don’t rush to tell everyone else about it. Don’t start spreading the story.

Instead, do what Scripture says: go to the person directly. Start by speaking to them one-on-one.

If they won’t listen, bring one or two people with you.

If the person is a member of your church and still won’t change, bring the issue before the church.

And if they refuse to acknowledge their wrong even then, it’s time to set healthy, biblical boundaries.

Boundaries aren’t about bitterness. They’re about protecting your peace and not giving someone repeated access to harm you.

If someone continues to abuse, mistreat, or sin against you, it’s okay to walk away and not return to that harmful space.

You don’t need someone to admit their wrong for you to heal.

We can do our best to practice gratitude. Praise God not just for the good things, but also while you’re going through hard moments.

This helps you stay grounded, thankful, and focused on His faithfulness rather than your pain.

You can choose to live a life of absolute peace. To make up your mind never to let the growing cancer of offense seep into you. It is possible.

When you remember all that Jesus has done for you, and everything He patiently endured, you’ll hardly have time to hold on to offense.

Love leaves no room for bitterness.

The truth is, anything not done in love will fail. That’s why our goal is to love like Jesus loved, and to forgive like He forgave.

That’s how we shine His light in a dark world.

So, keep living like Christ here on earth.

Maranatha!