What Mistakes Should I Avoid in a Relationship? (Part 1)

It’s encouraging to see believers taking romance and relationships seriously, especially when the goal is to honor God.

Yes, spirituality is important, but so are love and companionship.

Interestingly, a significant portion of the church is made up of singles.

Many of them often find themselves asking questions like, “How do I actually find the right person to marry?”

Or “How do I know if this guy or girl is the one for me?”

Unfortunately, these important conversations are sometimes avoided.

This reluctance and lack of honesty are part of the reason why so many Christians make mistakes in their relationships.

These missteps not only affect dating but can also set marriages off on the wrong foot.

Now,

While mistakes in relationships are common, they don’t have to be inevitable.

If left unaddressed, they can take a significant toll on our lives.

Thankfully, God’s Word offers principles to help us work these challenges.

For every single thing under the sun, there are instructions to guide and nurture us as we go on in life.

The same goes for relationships.

But before we look at what mistakes to avoid in a relationship, let’s get one thing straight—God isn’t trying to take the fun out of life.

On the contrary, He wants us to experience life at its very best!

That’s why He has given us wisdom to help us build romantic relationships that are not only exciting and fulfilling but also keep us out of trouble.

With that in mind, we’re going to explore 10 key guidelines to help you identify what mistakes to avoid in a relationship.

To keep things simple, we’ll start with the first five today.

It takes revelation of truth and wisdom to apply these principles, and we trust that God, in His great mercy, will guide us every step of the way.

My child, never forget the things I have taught you.

Store my commands in your heart, for they will give you a long and satisfying life.

Proverbs 3:1

1. Entering a Relationship Under Pressure:

Many believers rush into relationships because of pressure, and let’s be honest—wisdom rarely shows up when we’re under stress.

In moments like these, it’s easy to fall for manipulation.

This pressure can come from all sorts of places: family, emotions, society, sexual desires, and yes, even the church.

You’ve likely heard the questions: “When are you getting married? You’re already 25! What’s the delay? You’ve got a good job, a car, an apartment—so where’s the partner?”

For women especially, the anxiety of finding “the one” can be overwhelming.

They often latch onto the first man who shows a little interest.

Suddenly, every interaction becomes a prayer session: “Lord, is he the one?”

In their desperation, they ignore obvious red flags and convince themselves it’s destiny.

But here’s the truth—don’t let pressure push you into making bad decisions.

Entering a relationship under pressure is the fastest way to end up in a relationship, or even a marriage, with your enemy: someone who isn’t right for you, simply because you caved in to the noise.

Let God lead you.

2. Setting a Benchmark for Marriage:

Many young believers burden themselves unnecessarily with thoughts like, “I must get married by a certain age.”

But let’s not forget—the Bible reminds us that God makes everything beautiful in its time.

Trying to force a relationship before you’re ready or before it’s the right season can lead to unnecessary heartache.

When the enemy sees that you’ve set rigid timelines, he often takes advantage of it, sending the wrong people your way.

They might cleverly disguise as everything you’ve dreamed of, but in the end, they leave you disappointed and broken.

Just because you feel ready to marry, doesn’t mean the person around you is the one.

Someone might be good for you, but that doesn’t mean they’re right for you.

The truth is: there’s no “perfect age” for a relationship or marriage.

This can be tough to accept, especially when you feel like time is slipping away or you’re watching friends and peers get married.

It’s easy to feel bitter and frustrated, especially when you’re always the bridesmaid or groomsman.

But just because others are stepping into that season doesn’t mean it’s your turn yet.

Please listen carefully to what the Spirit of God is saying to you.

Allow Him to direct your steps and trust His timing—it’s always perfect!

God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

3. Engaging in Sexual Immorality

I know you must have heard this over and over again and might be tired of it, but I must still say it: Sex outside of marriage is fornication.

It is wrong!

And most times it starts with seemingly harmless but unguarded conversations.

When you engage in sexually suggestive talks—like “I can’t wait to have you” or “I can’t wait to touch you all over”.

You’re opening the door to lust, to temptation.

Many people fall into this trap, especially on social media.

Innocent chats can quickly turn into sharing nudes, exchanging explicit words, and stirring up unhealthy excitement.

What starts as playful conversations, then escalates into physical sexual sin.

For ladies, you may find yourself constantly anxious, frequently checking your period calendar or relying on contraceptives to prevent pregnancy.

For men, it creates a different kind of fear—constantly worrying that the women you sleep with might have sexually transmitted diseases.

This cycle is dangerous.

As long as you continue in sexual immorality, peace will slip away.

You’ll constantly be restless.

I tell you, real peace comes from walking in righteousness.

When you keep yourself pure, you experience the kind of peace that no worldly desire can offer.

Sadly, many believers fall for the lie of “testing the waters” before marriage.

By the time they say “I do,” they’ve already explored so much that nothing feels sacred or special anymore.

The excitement fades, dissatisfaction sets in, and they’re left longing for something they can’t find in their spouse.

And don’t buy into the myth that sex will keep a man.

Once he’s gotten what he wants, he’s likely to move on, leaving you broken and hurt.

Any relationship that takes you to the bed before the altar needs to end!

Honor God, and honor yourself. It’s worth it.

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

Hebrews 13:4

4. Leaving God out of Your Relationship

Of all the mistakes to avoid in your relationship, this is the most important: leaving God out of the foundation of your relationship.

To build something that lasts, you must make God the center.

Set aside intentional time to pray and fast with your partner—it’s not just helpful, it’s essential.

A relationship without God as its anchor becomes an easy target for the enemy.

When couples don’t learn to seek God together, they often turn against each other when challenges arise.

Remember, godly relationships and marriages are meant for kingdom advancement.

This is why the devil works tirelessly to destroy them.

While it’s important to spend quality time together, go on dates, and enjoy each other’s company, don’t forget to prioritize prayer.

Make it a regular practice.

Attend retreats, study the Bible together, and commit to living out God’s principles in your relationship.

Prayer invites God into your decisions.

He will guide you, reveal areas to work on, and protect you from pitfalls that could derail your future.

Without God at the center, a relationship might feel good for a while, but when storms come, the cost of neglecting Him will be far too high.

If you want a relationship and marriage that stand the test of time, prayer is non-negotiable.

Keep God first, always!

Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near.

Isaiah 55:6

5. Dating an Unbeliever

The Bible is clear on this: believers and unbelievers have no common ground.

An unbelieving man will eventually hinder your walk with God.

Similarly, a woman who rejects and despises godly values will steer you away from Christ’s path.

If you’re yet to choose a partner, here’s some simple advice: seek someone from your spiritual tribe.

This is a man or woman who loves and fears God—someone who shares your faith and values.

If you’re already dating an unbeliever, be aware of this truth—one of two outcomes is likely: either they will influence you, or you will influence them.

And in most cases, the world’s pull is stronger, leading you away from God.

Why put yourself through the pain and struggle of a relationship destined for conflict?

Commit to building a relationship with a fellow believer.

When two people share the same spiritual foundation and purpose, the relationship stands a far better chance of thriving.

Without that unity, the two will end up pulling in opposite directions, causing division and frustration.

Light and darkness cannot coexist.

They are complete opposites—one must give way to the other.

God warns us about this because He loves us deeply.

He wants His children to experience the best relationships, ones that bring lasting peace and joy.

Trust in His wisdom, and let Him guide you toward the best He has planned for you.

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?

What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?

2 Corinthians 6:14-15