What Mistakes Should I Avoid in a Relationship? (Part 2)
One of the most important issues for many young adults is managing relationships with the opposite gender and the decisions we make in them.
If you’ve found someone you could see yourself with forever, it’s crucial to take the right steps to make the relationship work.
No relationship is perfect or easy all the time, but with God, we can experience lasting unions filled with beauty and joy.
Last week, we explored the first part of this mini-series, focusing on what mistakes to avoid in a relationship.
Today, we’ll continue by discussing the next five key points.
6. Going Against the Will of God
The will of God is essential in helping us establish a structure for whatever we want to achieve in life.
We often realize its importance too late, after rebelling, following our own rules and selfish desires, and eventually finding ourselves in trouble.
We must resolve that anything outside of God’s will—anything that displeases Him—is something we will avoid completely and run far away from.
Remember, God is still the one in charge of our lives, and it is a costly mistake to disregard His will.
God’s will may not always align with what we want, but it brings a sense of peace and purpose that we won’t find anywhere else.
Even when it seems hard or unclear, trusting Him is always the best choice.
Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and not rely on our own understanding.
This is not meant to limit us but to protect us and usher us into God’s perfect plan.
7. The Mistake of Being Trapped in the Past
Many people struggle with holding on to the past.
A lot of believers find themselves trapped in the pain of their parents’ failed marriage, the hurt caused by an ex, or the aftermath of events beyond their control.
Because of this unresolved pain, we often end up hurting those who have no connection to our wounds, simply because we haven’t allowed ourselves to heal.
You may have deeply loved someone in the past and still hold strong feelings for them.
Meanwhile, someone new has entered your life—someone who loves you unconditionally and embodies everything God wants for you.
Yet, your heart remains drawn to the one who broke it.
You need to move on!
Sometimes, we’re not only stuck in pain but also weighed down by guilt over what we’ve done to others.
“I don’t feel worthy of love or being loved because of what I did,” we tell ourselves.
But Romans 8:21 reminds us of the freedom and restoration available in Christ.
Let this pain go.
Intentionally remind yourself that you are no longer bound to the past—whatever it may be.
Unforgiveness and fear are often the root causes of repeating past mistakes or staying trapped in what we’ve experienced.
If the devil wants to afflict someone, he targets their fears and uses them against them—right where it hurts the most.
8. Resurrecting Old Flames
Many of us hold on to old romantic flames or friendships, to the point that when we pray to God for a sign or a partner, our hearts are already fixed on someone from the past.
Our hearts aren’t open to anyone else, and we lack the trust in God to bring someone better into our lives.
This mindset is dangerous and can have serious implications, even in marriage.
Consider this scenario: A married man reconnects with an old girlfriend who recently moved into his neighborhood.
They exchange contact information, begin communicating frequently, and eventually reminisce about their past relationship and how much they missed each other.
What do you think will happen next?
Or take a young lady who reconnects with an old flame that didn’t work out.
He returns to the country and wants to re-establish communication.
Suddenly, her feelings for him resurface, and the current man in her life, who loves her faithfully, begins to suffer because her heart and mind are no longer present in their relationship.
Unfortunately, many believers—even those who are active, tongue-speaking, and evangelical—struggle to control their emotions.
Their spirits may be saved, but their souls still need renewal.
They’re emotionally weak, unable to resist their feelings when someone they once loved reappears, regardless of the circumstances.
It’s important to open your eyes and let God lead you.
Just because an old flame resurfaces doesn’t mean it’s a sign from God.
Don’t resurrect it!
9. The Red Flag Mistake
Life is designed in such a way that who a person will become gradually reveals itself over time.
Traits and tendencies start to emerge, which is why we must never assume or conclude that anyone is perfect—not even a fire-bred Christian.
You must “shake the tree” to see the kind of fruit it bears. But remember, while shaking it, do not break the tree.
Observe the character of the person you’re interested in.
Pay close attention to their words and actions.
Love becomes blind when you embark on the journey and leave your head behind.
For a relationship to be godly and prosperous, you must bring your heart, your head, and your spirit into it.
However, don’t let red flags be the only focus in a relationship.
What do I mean?
Don’t only look for flaws or the bad in someone.
Many people are quick to forget the good their partners do.
The moment a mistake happens, they’re ready to judge.
They rarely say “thank you” or “I love you,” and they make no effort to show appreciation.
Instead, they criticize, nag, or constantly suggest improvements—like using a hammer to cure a headache.
The red flags you see are not the only flags. Everyone has flaws.
Nobody is a finished product.
But if you’re always living in fear, constantly searching for mistakes in another person, your relationship will fail.
10. Fear of Marriage Due to Failed Relationships
Many of us are afraid of marriage—or even the idea of it—because of the bad examples we’ve seen: marriages that have crumbled or are in distress.
In Joshua 1, God repeatedly encouraged Joshua to be strong and very courageous.
Beloved, there are good marriages out there, not just the bad ones.
If all you notice are marriages that aren’t working, it’s time to change your mindset and your environment.
Surround yourself with examples of thriving, healthy marriages.
Not every man abuses his wife. Not every woman is rude or disrespectful to her husband.
There are marriages that are flourishing beautifully.
And remember, God has not given us the spirit of fear. If God has revealed that someone is His choice for you, trust Him.
God is not foolish; He knows exactly what He’s doing.
Everything you need for your life to flourish has already been deposited into that individual.
There’s no need to be afraid.
You might find yourself worrying:
Will my home be peaceful? Can this person satisfy me sexually? Is he capable of succeeding in life?
What kind of future will our children have? Am I going to give birth without complications?
Don’t dwell on these fears. Get to the bridge before you try to cross it!
Yes, marriage requires effort and hard work, but there’s no reason to fear.
Sometimes, these fears are nothing more than suggestions from the devil.
Speak this truth over yourself: I am not afraid of marriage. My home will be sweet and will reflect heaven on earth.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7
Trust God and Live Right
God is incredibly intentional about each of us and desires that we experience true happiness and fulfillment in life.
This is why who you end up with matters—not just to you, but also to God and His kingdom.
Your choice of spouse is not just a personal decision; it is significant to God’s plan for your life.
It is better to marry late than to marry wrongly.
Remember, you don’t just attract who you want; you also attract what you are.
The quality of the people you establish relationships with reflects either your alignment with God or your rebellion against Him.
God is not a joykill, but every man will reap what he sows.
Our actions and choices will all produce consequences.
The first step is not about looking for who is right but about becoming the right person yourself.
It matters how you live and what you do.
Marriage is not a call to death or suffering but a call to fulfillment.
For this reason, there must be agreement and alignment in your direction toward God.
Fulfillment lies only in the will of God.
In this kingdom, we don’t testrun relationships and marriage.
Instead, we trust and obey God for them, knowing that in His perfect timing, everything will fall into place.
When you allow God to lead, your relationship will not only bring joy to your life but also glorify Him.
After all, who He has in store for you is everything and more.
Love honestly, allow yourself to be loved, and intentionally choose peace every single day.
Above all, continue to live like Christ here on earth.
Maranatha!
If you will only obey me and let me help you, then you will have plenty to eat.
Isaiah 1:19
